“You’re just like my wife” (I never thought this would be a theme)

About six years ago (when I was only 20) I was admitted into a top tier American P.h.D. program in philosophy. I decided to specialize in Ancient Greek philosophy. Needless to say, the demands were great, and I was very young. Not only did I have far less experience than my peers (most of whom already had Master’s degrees), I, unlike them, had to learn Greek and Latin. The first two years were very difficult. On the verge of burnout I scheduled a meeting with my male advisor. Among other things I said, “I am having a difficult time making philosophy my whole life.” The male advisor became visibly agitated and, without a moment’s thought, responded, “My wife is just like that. She is good at doing many things at once but not good at focusing on any one thing. Perhaps this is the wrong field for you.” At the time it was a well known fact in the department that this man’s wife was a full time mom. Demoralized, I ended up taking six months off of graduate school. When I came back this professor refused to read my work. I am proud to say that, several years later, I have been invited to speak at conferences and have advanced to candidacy. One of my committee members, a well-known male classicist, lauded my dissertation proposal, saying that it was a cut above the rest. My new advisor (a man) has been similarly supportive.

They’re all the same

In the mid-nineties, there was a kerfuffle in the department among a sub-group. I knew about it, but was not directly involved, and so I did not think it was appropriate for me to tell others about it.

One male faculty member was pacing the halls, clearly dying to find out. I passed him, he looked at me, and I said, “You are right to think there’s a problem, but I really can’t talk about it.”

He walked off, and I heard him say to another male faculty member, “She’s just like my wife.”